I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
