I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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