3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
