Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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