he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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