We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
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Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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