I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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