i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
