It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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