I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
