Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
