So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
