so that wasnt chicken after all
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
