I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
