I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
