Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
