omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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