I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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