You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
