the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
