you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
