I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
