The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Come see our sink grown plant.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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