i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I wish I only lived at night.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
