called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's not a walk of shame if you run
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
