Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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