my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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