So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
