so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
