Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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