No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
