Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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