Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
