..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
