i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
