Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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