was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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