watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
