Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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