I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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