i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.