Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in