Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(703): View more from Virginia

the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex

Fav 31 5535 945
share tweet
(253): View more from Washington

I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself

Fav 21 4785 1133
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(858): View more from California

just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.

Fav 17 1370 3558
share tweet
(269): View more from Michigan

You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous

(269): View more from Michigan

If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.

Fav 17 6721 1058
share tweet
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(917): View more from New York City

you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues

Fav 7 4927 1420
share tweet
(731): View more from Tennessee

the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.

Fav 17 4769 2414
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(319): View more from Iowa

the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".

Fav 9 4660 1824
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(609): View more from New Jersey

I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"

Fav 3 1153 598
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(248): View more from Michigan

Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far

Fav 2 38 60
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT