are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
