Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior

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  (608): Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior http://tfl.nu/44hw
  Replies (6) Good night (3952) Bad night (775)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad

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  (702): Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad http://tfl.nu/156q
  Replies (61) Good night (7223) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

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  (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth. http://tfl.nu/f5s8
  Replies (116) Good night (6779) Bad night (1630)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?

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  (303): Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead? http://tfl.nu/o3ef
  Replies (18) Good night (8008) Bad night (2212)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.

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  (717): just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high. http://tfl.nu/38z6
  Replies (24) Good night (4404) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.

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  (562): He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break. http://tfl.nu/ad1k
  Replies (16) Good night (2400) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.

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  (902): I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush. http://tfl.nu/kzf1
  Replies (5) Good night (2306) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...

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  (217): he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon... http://tfl.nu/u7gi
  Replies (3) Good night (1558) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.

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  (780): I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag. http://tfl.nu/8hrl
  Replies (13) Good night (1224) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while

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  (732): i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while http://tfl.nu/tvzl
  Replies (4) Good night (1240) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?

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  (760): I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right? http://tfl.nu/usy0
  Replies (1) Good night (348) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance

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  (+44): Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance http://tfl.nu/2zgm
  Replies (2) Good night (856) Bad night (272)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville

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  (217): I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville http://tfl.nu/saxt
  Replies (0) Good night (950) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.

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  (360): I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/531t
  Replies (1) Good night (271) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.

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  (920): Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick. http://tfl.nu/e29r
  Replies (2) Good night (265) Bad night (492)

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