i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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