Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I'm jealous of your bromance

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  (313): I'm jealous of your bromance http://tfl.nu/rtiu
  Replies (2) Good night (1166) Bad night (580)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.

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  (573): Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever. (573): I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that. http://tfl.nu/43y6
  Replies (22) Good night (5216) Bad night (555)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.

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  (847): If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't. http://tfl.nu/9mwz
  Replies (12) Good night (4535) Bad night (779)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.

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  (404): The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me. http://tfl.nu/retd
  Replies (42) Good night (5855) Bad night (1294)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level

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  (516): I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level http://tfl.nu/2gco
  Replies (3) Good night (1985) Bad night (947)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.

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  (770): All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all. http://tfl.nu/00r4
  Replies (13) Good night (2999) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.

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  (757): I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration. http://tfl.nu/xlpu
  Replies (5) Good night (1228) Bad night (465)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.

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  (406): I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch. http://tfl.nu/qcd2
  Replies (3) Good night (1669) Bad night (409)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.

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  (614): Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on. http://tfl.nu/zmme
  Replies (17) Good night (3537) Bad night (683)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness

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  (843): Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness http://tfl.nu/qoug
  Replies (0) Good night (673) Bad night (411)
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  (258): View more from

  You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.

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  (258): You told me my blanket felt like ground beef. http://tfl.nu/qi5j
  Replies (3) Good night (328) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.

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  (201): Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together. http://tfl.nu/7gqm
  Replies (18) Good night (1219) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.

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  (815): Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down. http://tfl.nu/94ky
  Replies (5) Good night (715) Bad night (264)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.

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  (813): Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype. http://tfl.nu/49n0
  Replies (4) Good night (982) Bad night (194)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.

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  (727): So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink. http://tfl.nu/ln3w
  Replies (4) Good night (607) Bad night (233)

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