I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We were destined to go to rehab together
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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