just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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