Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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