you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
