I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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