he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
