You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.