the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
