Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
