go do what you do best...puke behind churches
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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