i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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