She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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