is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Farmville is her only friend.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
