thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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