Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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