just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
