hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
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