I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
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My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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