i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
