there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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