Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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