meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
