my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
