Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
