I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
