She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
