when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
