Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize