You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize
