Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
