There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
