somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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