I'm going to jail i love you
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
