my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
