How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
