I accidentally had phone sex last night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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