got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
