woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
