i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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