Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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